On Friday, June 24th, I got an email from Mom asking if I could call her or Skype. The message was short and not like Mom so right away I knew that something wasn't right. She had mentioned in the last week or so that Chelsea wasn't eating like she usually does (we all know she had a 'healthy' appetite for any type of food) so I suggested changing her dog food and adding a bit of tastiness to it since sometimes the side effects to her mild medication causes loss of appetite. So, when I called Mom on Friday, I could sense right away something was up with Chelsea. Long story short, Mom took her to the vet as she stopped eating and drinking all together and she was diagnosed with a severe case of diabetes. Mom assured me that the vet said it had nothing to do with the way we raised her or her diet since she was in pretty much perfect health up until a month ago and when I visited home in April, she was acting like her normal bubbly yet carefree self. The vet recommended sending her to London Vet Hospital for the weekend to get tests and monitor her to see the next steps as her health was quickly deteriorating. Mom said she would keep me posted and would visit her each day as Chelsea does not like to be out of her element and away from home and familiar faces.
Saturday, Jonny and I planned to go up to the Connemara Sleepzone hostel for a free getaway and I was reluctant to go given Chelsea's condition but Jonny said it would likely take my mind off of things and would be good for me to get away. Unfortunately the weather was not great so it rained pretty much the whole time and I was pretty much in a gloomy state all weekend checking my phone often for updates from Mom & Dad. Unfortunately her condition wasn't getting any better and the vets started to tell my parents that we would have to make some 'decisions' soon - whether to send her to Guelph University Animal Hospital for testing and try to increase her strength or...the latter.
We only stayed up in Connemara for a night and I pretty much slept the whole time. The only way to and from the hostel as it's in the middle of the Connemara mountains was getting a ride with the Galway Bus Tour. So we got picked up at 1pm and then had to finish the tour with the bus and hang out at Kylemore Abbey while the rest of the tourists roamed around and took pictures. My mood was increasingly getting lower and since there was hardly any mobile network range it was even more frustrating. My sister and bro-in-law met up with my parents at the London Vet Hospital on Sunday to visit Chelsea to see if that would lift her spirits as she had minimal strength left to even get up to see visitors. Jocelyn kept trying to call me but the phone kept cutting out and between me feeling so helpless in the middle nowhere and not being able to get an update from Jocelyn, I was pretty much in tears. I emailed her and said I would be home in a couple of hours and we could talk then.
The bus ride home was not great but thanks to Jonny, being the amazing friend that he is, he kept me calm and reassured me we would be home soon. I called Mom as soon as I got in the door and they were all at the hospital. I knew right away when she passed the phone to Joc that I had to come home because she could barely speak and she's usually the strongest of all the siblings since she has to deal with life and death almost everyday in her career. It was even more obvious that I had to pack a bag and make my way to the airport as Joc's first words on the phone was 'you have to come home...she's not well...she's not herself...you have to come home.' So, in a matter of 45 min, I packed a bag, booked a plane ticket and bus ticket and made my way to Dublin Airport. Thanks to my loving and 'planner' bro-in-law who had already researched cheap plane tickets for me, and Jonny for running to the bus station to buy me a ticket and one for himself as he wasn't going to allow me to sit alone on a bus for 3 hours and in the airport for 6 hours as an emotional wreck. It's funny how in life's most stressful and darkest moments you see how valuable the people in your life really are. As Jonny sat on the bus ride with me and stayed by my side till my flight boarded in Dublin, that was one special moment when I realized he was a very special and cherished friend...for life.
I had a connection in Frankfurt where I had to keep busy for a few hours and wished I could sleep but between emotional stress and not being to able to just sleep anywhere or anytime, I just wandered the airport till my next flight. I arrived in Toronto around 3pm which was unfortunately rush hour traffic. Mike picked me up from the airport as Mom, Dad and Joc were picking up Chelsea from the vet to bring her home so she would be more comfortable and at ease. Mike, being the great guy he is, kept my mind busy with catching up and trying to keep my spirits high. We arrived at his and Joc's house in Kitchener where Joc would then take me onwards to home. At this point I was going on 40 hours of no sleep since the last time I slept was in Connemara on Saturday night and it was now Monday evening. As we pulled into 'Landreth Lane', I could feel the lump in my throat reappear. Once inside, I found Mom was sitting beside Chelsea on the laundry room cement floor where it was cool and one of Chelsea's favourite places. Her tail wagged but she was too weak to get up and see me which I know was frustrating for her since she welcomes everyone at the door, no matter how tired or sore her muscles got with her old age. I tried to not let her see my sadness because for 12 years whenever I was sad, I could sense she felt my pain and would sit by my side till I felt better so it was my turn to do the same for her. Since she couldn't get up I would carry her in and out of the house to go to the bathroom and I could sense she felt embarrassed and ashamed because she's always been a proud soul. She's been that way since the first day I brought her home as a puppy and as she was out of my sight for 1 min, she got curious and fell off the side of the deck clinging to the edge with her tiny paws. That was the first day I felt like a bad mom but knew that everyone has to fall to learn a lesson.
I slept on the couch in the basement for the first night as she lied on her bed beside me. I took her out in the middle of the night and she kept wanting to sleep on the cold cement floor even though she would often shiver. I didn't care how uncomfortable the cement floor was as I slept right beside her for the next two nights. There was a ray of hope as I got her to eat nibbles of treats and bread on the first night I arrived home but after talking to Mom and Dad over dinner on Tuesday night, I knew that even if we could get her back to regular strength and eating again, she would still be on a strict diabetic mealplan and have to have multiple shots of insulin daily and it would always be a day-to-day struggle for her and I didn't want that life for her...not in her final years. I kept telling Mom & Dad that it's not fun being a pet-parent because these are the moments when you feel like you have to play 'God' and make the decision to end their life now or let them keep living in pain. I prayed every night once I arrived in Harrington that she would just pass away in her sleep but unfortunately not.
Wednesday came and we called the vet to reconfirm they would come to the house to put her down. They were so kind and caring and sensitive. I was up somewhat early and I couldn't just sit there and just wait to say goodbye to my best friend of 12 years. I started going around the house and picking up all of Chelsea's toys and such and put them into a bag because I knew how hard it would be for me to do that after she passed. Jocelyn and I sat on the floor with Chelsea in the kitchen and just stayed with her and kept her calm. The vet arrived and prepared everything and told us how the procedure would work. We had to leave the room for a minute and came back for our final goodbyes. I held her head and looked into her eyes and told her how I felt and then she was gone. You never forget those last moments with someone you love so much and everyday I see the last look in her eyes...it never goes away.
Maybe some who are reading this think that a dog is just a dog or sharing a story like this is too personal or spending a lot of money to fly home to say goodbye to a friend or 'just a dog' is insane but to be honest, you must never judge one's relationship with another person or another creature. The bond between two people is just as valuable and important as a bond between a person and an animal - dog, cat, horse, turtle, etc. Chelsea affected my life in so many ways that I can't even begin to explain. She made me feel safe, loved, appreciated, happy, faithful, and so unbelievably blessed. She never judged or talked back, she was just there always whenever I needed her or a snuggle in her soft fur and never expected anything back....well, she did appreciate the odd treat or two or three...haha. She taught me so much about myself, life, love, and she never had to say a single word...although I always laughed when thinking if she could talk. She was and always will be a special part of the Landreth Family. She was in our family portrait, she was the centre of Christmas morning covered in ribbons and bows (which never phased her every year), she was your companion when watching TV or taking a snooze (Dad), or reading in bed or your partner on a walk down the dirt road or to the mailbox (Mom). She would welcome you at the door at any hour of the day or night which is Rimi's favourite memory when she met us at the kitchen door at 3am in the morning one night - very sleepy and not impressed that we woke her up. She would jump around like a baby dear every first snowfall and entertain you by joining in snowball fights and accompany us when we picked out our Christmas Tree every year (Jocelyn) and no matter how long it had been between visits or walks, she would always be happy to see you and it was like life just stood still (Gavin). All in all, she was the best friend, companion, and dog any family or person could ask for and I miss her every minute of everyday and I would honestly give anything just to have her curled up at the end of my bed - even if she was sprawled across the entire bed and you had to sleep uncomfortably around her.
So, in conclusion, maybe this is a very sad and personal blog post and I had hoped I wouldn't have to write about the passing of Chelsea for many years ahead but like I always say - people come in and out of your life for a reason - whether it be a short time or long but it what's you learn from them is the most important. Even after Chelsea passed, she truly has taught me one more valuable lesson: make every moment count...even up till your last breath. During her sudden passing there was an old poem by E.E. Cummings that I read that will always remind me of Chelsea and going through this difficult time. I posted it below to share with you all:
[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
---
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